Adrienne Peters, a bereavement counseling professional for Pathways of Hope through Ohio’s Hospice, said patience is key when losing a spouse or lifelong friend, and people need to recognize that their grief is valid.
“The death of a life partner changes us and the entire landscape of our lives, so adapting to life without them can be deeply challenging,” she said. “We grieve the gifts of a person’s presence and spirit, the relationship we had with them in life.”
Processing emotions changes as people age because they learn to regulate emotions and learn resilience, but grief doesn’t have to be processed alone.
Peters recommends one on one counseling and then progressing to a group setting after about six months.
“Pathways of Hope offers 1:1 grief counseling free of charge to anyone who is grieving the death of a family member or friend in the last year or two,” she said. “The deceased does not have to have been a hospice patient; we serve the Miami Valley community as part of our greater mission.”
Pathways also offers telehealth counseling for anyone who has transportation or mobility issues.
Garth Adams, a chaplain with Kettering Health Dayton, said it can be disorienting when someone begins “to feel they have outlived their friends and family.”
“Not only have they lost someone who knows them intimately, they begin to lose their sense of independence and identity,” he said. “Also, they begin to ask, ‘Why am I the only one left?’ The challenge for our elder population is to maintain their essence by approaching each day as an opportunity to live and connect with others instead of counting down to the waning moments of life.”
Adams advises those who are grieving to take it one day at a time and share feelings with a trusted person. He also emphasizes that staying connected to a community is essential, as is regular exercise to help with feelings of loss and sadness.
“It is a lifetime challenge to learn how to embrace our feelings and emotions. Allow yourself some time to adjust and grieve,” he said. “Social activities such as walking, dining in common areas, line dancing, outdoor activities and church activities are sources of connection. Isolation speeds up our deterioration. Losses will occur, but we know that our senior citizens are resilient.”
Peters agrees that a strong support system helps senior citizens cope with grief, stay socially engaged and active. A 13-week program called Grief Share is offered at many churches in the area. Books, online videos, blogs, journals and online resources are also options.
“Adaptability and willingness to change are important qualities in grief, as we adjust to the world without our person in it,” Peters said. “When we feel ready, things like taking classes, joining a local rec center, library and park programs, or volunteering at a meaningful organization all provide opportunities for socialization and redefining our purpose.”
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